Hi Ranty Nation! Ranty McRantyson har agin!

Hot damn! Finally sumthin the Trumper’s’re sayin ah can git behind!

Yeah, why shud we haveta wear them durned masks? They weigh me down wit thar 1-2 oz. They can make mah face itch an on a bad day, ah might even git me sum pimples. Folk can’t see if’n ah’m smilin or frownin. They make it to whar ah even have trouble breathin sumtimes. An don’t even git me started on the whole mess if’n ah sneeze with one of them thangs on!

Why they’re jus plain inconvenient!

Besides, thar ain’t no LAWS that say ah have to wear them. It ain’t like it’s in the Constitution or nuttin. Ah mean whut right do them Democrat folk have in sayin we gotta wear them. An don’t get me started on them RINO folk, y’all know the ones, them Republicans In Name Only, who’re tryin the same BS as them Democrat folk an git us to wear them masks.

Y’know, it’s just ridiculous an ah’m a man of principles! So, right har, right now, ah’m gonna apply the same rules to everone round me!

Frum now on, restaurant employees don’t have to wear them masks either! Same wit doctors, nurses, an other medical personnel. Go ahead an celebrate yur Constitutionally given rights to breath on anyone an anythang y’all want! Sneeze into sum food? No problem! Breath into an open wound? Ok!

Since we’all agree that doin sumthin like wearin a mask is too much cleanliness-like, then we shud apply it to other parts of our lives. I mean whut kind a dictator thought it’d be a gud idea to wash our hands?!?

So, restaurant wurkers, don’t wurry bout washin y’all’s hands after usin the restroom, just saunter back, enjoyin y’all’s (probably dry) hands an prepare our food!

Medical folk? Hey, jus imagine how many more folk y’all’ll be able to see if’n y’all don’t have to wash your hands between patients!

Durned if’n this not bein clean bulloney ain’t liberatin!

Now, ah’m sure ah’ve furgotten some of y’all who do other jobs that folk’ve dun told y’all to wear a mask at or wash y’all’s hands or other such-like. Well, regain your freedoms an don’t fall fur that stuff anymore!

Thank God the Constitution gave we’all the freedom to not be clean!

Wait, whut? Thar ain’t nuttin in the Constitution that say we don’t have to do whut the guvmint folk dun say to protect public health? Y’all SURE bout that?

Oh, ok. Well, along the lines of SNL’s Emily Litella’s favorite sayin, “Never y’all mind!”

Ranty McRantyson signin off!

PS. Ah hate to haveta say it, but this har article dun be satire. Ah shudn’t haveta say it. It shud be obvious. But this be the wurld we dun live in today…  An har’s a link to satire in case y’all want a refresher on whut it means:  — https://bit.ly/32eKjMa