Hi Ranty Nation!  Ranty McRantyson har agin!

Breakin News Alert!

Well, ah bin wurkin on a buncha rants an ran across this’n an thunk it couldn’t wait!  Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer dun said Pres Trump is guilty of a NEW an UNPRECEDENTED Impeachment Charge!  Ah can’t do it justice, so ah’ll let y’all hear it frum the horse’s mouth (so to speak, though Sen Schumer’s probly more like an Equus africanus asinus).  Jus click the link below to hear Sen Schumer say it himself:

Ah’m gonna put in plain text fur y’all!  Har it is:

“But make no mistake, there will be a trial and when that trial ends, Senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John, Donald John Trump incited the erection.”

Can ya’ll believe that?!?  Ah always new Pres Trump was screwin “We, the People”, but this is jus goin too far!  Ah mean it’s one thang fur me to be doin sumthin like that in the privacy of mah own home, but the President?  In the White House?  Now that’s jus uncalled fur!

An that must be a violation of the guvmint ethics regulations prohibitin guvmint employees frum tryin to sell any company’s products too!  Cuz ah’m shure they’s talkin bout usin sumthin like Pfizer’s “little blue pill”.  Y’all know whut ah’m talkin bout, amiright?  They’s ain’t sposed to be givin no advertisin fur companies!  Ah’m SHURE it’s gotta be durned effective if it helped Pres Trump do, y’all know, all that “incitin” an stuff!

Ah have to tell y’all one thang, ah never dun imagined that Pres Trump’d be capable of doin such a thang!  Never, NEVER, imagined it or wanted to imagine it.  In fact, ah’ve a mental image I’m currently bein traumatized wit that I may need therapy to git rid of it.

An ah have to admit that Pres Trump shud be punished to the full extent of the law fur this new an awful thang that he dun penetrated on the Merican people.  If’n this new charge holds up, then he shud be put in the deepest, darkest prison cell so as no one will have to see such an awful testicle, uh, ah mean spectacle agin!

Be shure to contact yur Senate Congresscritters an ask them to vote to convict Pres Trump on this horrific charge!

Another News Flash?

Hold on, y’all, mah producers’re tryin to tell me sumthin new bout this breakin news…

[Whut?!?  Are y’all serious?  Oh.  Ok, ah’ll let them know.  Dang!]

Well, this dun be embarrassin!  Ah guess ah dun stopped listenin a bit too quick.  Looks like Sen Schumer corrected himself immediately.  Har’s the direct quote:

“But make no mistake, there will be a trial and when that trial ends, Senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John, Donald John Trump incited the erection, insurrection against the United States.”  [Ah put the wurd “insurrection” in italics fur emphasis.]

Ah have to apologize fur not gittin that entire quote.  In the spirit of Emily Latitta on Saturday Night Live wud say, “Never y’all mind…”

Ranty McRantyson signin off!

Disclaimer:  Jus cuz sum folk don’t have much of a sense of humor, ah want to make shure y’all know this is a piece of SATIRE.  Though ah’m shure that y’all Pres Trump fans probly already thunked it be a “piece” already!