Hi Ranty Nation! Ranty McRantyson har agin!
Ah’ve bin roamin the InterToobes fur the last few weeks an ah ran cross this downright frightenin story bout the COVID-19 vaccine! After all the warnins we’all’ve had over the years frum folks like George Orwell (1984) an “V for Vendetta” an such-like sumthin like this goes an happens!
BILL GATES IS PUTTIN COMPOOTER CHIPS IN THE COVID-19 VACCINE!
Hard to believe, right? Ah mean, all y’all’ve got to do is do a quick search on Google fur “Bill Gates COVID-19 chips” an y’all’ll see hundreds of results. Unbelieveable!
Ah mean, ah’ve never bin a big fan of Bill Gates. Ah’ve known too many folk who’ve wurked fur him an saw whut he’s dun to git his ~$100+ billion. But this’n’s wurse than anythin ah’d even imagined he’d dun do!
COVID-19 an Microchips
So whut’s the story? Well, this har article bout sums it up:
So, that sneaky Bill Gates has dun injected microchips into the COVID-19 vaccine injections. He’s jus into injectin stuff cuz he wuz also involved in malaria vaccinations fur the last decade or two.
Y’all can tell it’s gotta be bad if’n the patent application has 060606 in it! Ok, the US patent application didn’t, but when they filed it in 2020 fur the worldwide patent, it got assigned that number an everone knows that number is reserved fur the most wurstest an bad fur folk patents ever year!
The Short Version
So har’s the short version! Bill Gates, who founded Microsoft, sumhow got Microsoft to create a patent bout cryptominin of cryptocurrency. An sumhow that patent’s bout how they’s gonna mine microchips outta the ground an sell them to the COVID-19 vaccine companies. An then the COVID-19 vaccine companies’re gonna put them mined microchips into the vaccine so as they can be injected into folk.
Now it ain’t like ah read the whole patent or anythin! It wuz jus too borin, wit all them wurds and drawins an such. But ah did read bout 1/2 of the furst page. An saw how they wuz gonna use folk fur minin cryptocurrencies.
So ah figure that once they mined the microchips, sold em to the vaccine companies, who’ll inject them into the folk wantin to git vaccinated, they’s sumhow git the folk to mine cryptocurrencies outta they’s own bodies or sumthin. An, y’all know, do the Devil’s wurk, cuz 060606 is in the patent (ah’m gonna ignore the other numbers).
Sounds like a purty cut an dried case to me!
MORE Breakin News!
Mah producer’s’re waving frantically at me right now! Sumthin really juicy musta cum frum the news line. Ah figure it must have sumthin to do wit this har story. Specially, since ah saw Bill an Melinda Gates’re gittin a divorce an after findin out bout this story, ah figure it must have sumthin to do wit the chip minin cryptocurrency stuff story.
Ah’ll be right back after ah git the wurd frum mah producers…
WT…H? Seriously? UGH!
Gee, this is kinda embarrassin! Ah thunked ah wuz breakin a huge story fur the Ranty Nation har.
Y’see, mah producer’s jus told me the story’s already bin debunked (fancy wurd fur “proven to be full of SH… tuff”).
Apparently, the technology fur injecting microchips small enuf to actually do anythang ain’t bin invented yet. Much less figured out how to mine microchips straight outta the ground.
It’s only in Sci-Fi an it’s called “nanotechnology” or “nanobots”.
Course, ah guess it makes sense that this is a buncha bulloney. Cuz not only do you have to make chips too small to see, but y’all’d also have to include sum type of antenna an power source. An folk ain’t figured out how to do that wit chips too small to see.
Then they’s the whole problem wit actually gittin an shippin an injectin all these chips witout anyone along the line spillin the beans an becomin famous. An no one ain’t come out yet.
The Needed Tech Fur This “Conspiracy” to be True
If’n it were to wurk exactly like in the above story, then there’d need to be sum purty fancy tech fur it to wurk. Here’s just a few of the issues wit doin it:
Small Chips
The chips’d have to be small enuf to wurk in our bodies. The chips can’t cause problems like clots an damage organs (kidney, liver, etc.) an such, so the chip’s have to at least be smaller than the smallest capillaries in our bodies. The smallest capillaries in the human body’re barely a blood cell wide. An that means the chips’d have to be no bigger than a blood cell whut is bout 5-8 micrometers (microns) wide (bout .00004 inches wide). That’s bout 1/10th the width of a human hair. 5-8 micrometers (let’s call it 5 microns fur example purposes) is about 5,000 nanometers wide.
The chips in the newest iPhone, whut has the bestest compooter makin process, uses “5nm” technology. That’s 5 nanometers. It means that the smallest “trace” in the compooter chip is 5nm wide. The “transistor” is the part that does the compootin an is 28nm (let’s call it 25nm fur example purposes) on a side fur the 5nm process.
If’n we’all’re generous an say 1/2 the chip is fur antenna an power, an the other half is fur compootin, then that’ll leave us wit bout 2,500nm * 2,500nm = fur compootin. At best, just figurin on transistors (no connections), that’d leave us wit 100^2 (~25nm * 100 = 2,500nm) transistors or bout 10,000 transistors. Max. Probly less than half that many wit connections an stuff. But ah ain’t a chip designin expert neither.
So 10,000 transistors really ain’t nuff to do much computin. An that don’t include any kind of storage (each storage unit’d take at least one transistor). Just fur reference, the furst IBM transistor calculator had 3,000 transistors an it wuz limited to addition, subtraction, multiplication, an division.
Finally, they’s ain’t anythin that can hold/move chips at this size, at least not in the numbers needed. Bottom line is we’all don’t have the technology fur this… yet.
“Bio-Compatible”
While we’all dun live in our bodies, it ain’t a friendly place fur “non-biologic” stuff. Shoot, it ain’t a gud place fur most “biologic” (livin) stuff. Our immune system attacks anythin it thinks of that’s “foreign” (isn’t part of our body). Cuz of this, the chips’d have to be coated in sumthin that wud keep our bodies frum attackin it an just survivin in our blood.
Super Antennas
Antennas wurk better the bigger they are. The more surface area fur them to “radiate” (send frum), the better the signal to both send an receive. Ah jus don’t know of any sub-micron antenna tech that’d wurk fur this purpose. Don’t mean it don’t exist, but I’d thunk it’d be a military secret if’n it did. An that means Bill Gates wudn’t have it.
Not to mention our bodies’re mostly water an water stops the transmission of radio signals. Specially low power signals.
Power
If’n the chips were to do any compootin, they’d need sum kind of source of electrical power. An this’n’d be the most difficult of the bunch to solve. We ain’t made a battery small enuf to power a chip this size, much less a power source. Even if’n we cud, I doubt it’d be strong enuf to power it fur any length of time.
Shure, they’s RFID chips that don’t have power, but they don’t do any compootin. Just send a bounced back signal that has sum infurmation. Problem is, it ain’t bin done on this scale.
No Proof the Chips Even Exist
The chips’d have to be above top secret fur there to be no documentation they exist. An, no, ah don’t consider sumone sayin it’s real to be proof/”documentation”. Wit how crazy the military is bout secrecy, ah can’t imagine that they’d give Bill Gates (an the wider world) access to it.
Number of Chips Needed… Per Person
Finally, they’s the volume they’d have to be produced in fur them to remain in the body fur enuf time fur it to be of use. They’d have to have enuf “microchips” to last at least a few years. Wit breakdowns, “elimination” (yur body gittin rid of em), etc., they’d probly need at least thousands, if’n not millions per person. It jus don’t make no sense at this scale. The cost wud be astronomical on a per person basis ($100s at a minimum, if not $1000s). Plus the cost of the vaccine…
The Bottom Line (COVID-19 wit Chips Conspiracy Edition)
So, just like the old sayin, “If’n it sounds too good to be true, then it probly ain’t”, if’n a story “sounds too ridiculous to be true, it probly ain’t” true either!
Y’all know whut, ah’d’ve thunk ah wudn’t fall fur such stories cuz of all of the “how liars lie witout lyin” talks ah’ve jus dun. Guess it jus goes to prove we’all need to take a deep breath an double check befur forwardin/talkin bout “hard to believe” stories an such.
To rehash whut Emily Litella‘d (Gilda Radner) say on Saturday Night Live, “Never y’all mind, now!”
Til next time!
Ranty McRantyson signin off!
PS. Yeah, in case, the category of the article weren’t nuff of a clue bout this article, it dun be satire! That means it’s a joke an shouldn’t be taken serious-like. So y’all chill out an take a look at this site that does satire right!
The Onion: America’s Finest News Source
Enjoy!
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